When Kim met Mike, his social awkwardness was endearing. He hadn’t experienced many relationships, which was refreshing considering the kind of men she seemed to always end up with.
Mike appeared to really enjoy spending time with her – he agreed to and even initiated going to the movies, concerts, and other social events. And best of all, he didn’t give off vibes like all he was waiting for was the chance to get in her pants.
After they married, though, Mike’s pointed interest in Kim slowly faded. He replaced time with her with time in front of the TV – watching The National Geographic Channel, The History Channel, Star Trek, or television shows like Family Guy over and over. He seemed to always have an excuse for why he didn’t want to go out. He felt cold and distant to her, rarely offering loving words or engaging in loving behavior. And sex? Please – he was fine with once every blue moon!
It’s not all in your head
If that scenario sounds like a story plucked straight out of your life, your man could have Asperger’s Syndrome (AS).
AS is on the high-functioning end of the autism spectrum. While typically autistic people can’t communicate their feelings to others or connect on an emotional level with others, people with AS often do share their own feelings, but lack interest and curiosity in hearing about the thoughts and feeling of others. That makes for a very confusing, lopsided, isolating marriage relationship.
Researchers currently suspect at least one in every 250 people fit an AS profile. Though AS affects both men and women, it’s four times more prevalent in men. Further, as many as 50 percent of people with AS remain undiagnosed, others are misdiagnosed, and those who seem to adapt and function well may hide that they are suffering from stress and anxiety.
What that suggests is that you would do well to arm yourself with information to determine: 1) If your hubby exhibits enough behaviors to warrant further investigation, or 2) What must be learned and done in order to stay and thrive in a successful relationship.
Many books and websites offer help to couples whose relationships are hampered by AS. A few of my favorites are:
•Connecting With Your Asperger Partner: Negotiating the Maze of Intimacy, by Louise Weston
•Loving Mr. Spock: Asperger’s Syndrome and How to Make Your Relationship Work, by Barbara Jacobs
If your husband/partner has not been diagnosed with AS, don’t suffer silently; seek out resources that can help you create a solid relationship with your man. #aspergerssyndrome #aspergerspartner #aspergersmarriage #livingwithaspergers